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Bill
Doodle
Written
May 23, 2009
Updated
March 10, 2010
Let
me tell you about an inconsequential little poem I wrote nearly half
a century ago, in 1965. But in order to do so, I need first to
flash back an additional century.
Sevenscore
and seven years ago, this nation was engaged in a great civil
war. The struggle would ultimately lead to the adoption of the
Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution. You remember that
one: Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as
a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly
convicted, shall exist within the United States.
Early
in that war, not enough soldiers volunteered to serve in the Union
army. Therefore ironically President Lincoln
imposed involuntary servitude! Lincoln considered it
calling forth the militia as provided in Article I,
Section 8. Nevertheless, he was ordering peaceful citizens, not
convicted of any crime, to perform military service against their will.
The
result: draft riots in New York and dozens of protest songs,
including this rather lighthearted one by Henry C. Work (1862).
In it, the government has taken a widowed Mrs. Malaprop's only
surviving boy away from her and made him wear a unicorn.
Our
Jimmy has gone for to live in a tent;
They have grafted him into the army.
He
finally puckerd up courage and went
When they grafted him into the army.
I
told them the child was too young, alas!
At
the captains forequarters, they said he would pass;
Theyd
train him up well in the infantry class,
So they grafted him into the army.
Oh
Jimmy, farewell! Your brothers fell
Way down in Alabarmy;
I
thought they would spare a lone widders heir,
But they grafted him into the army.
And
now let us move forward a century. Until the draft was
discontinued by President Nixon in 1973, it was an unfortunate fact
of life for my generation. The government arbitrarily deprived
young men of their rights and liberties, conscripting them to fight
in Viet Nam regardless of their aptitude for the role. I
suppose it was necessary.
But
as a peacefully inclined person myself, instinctively avoiding
danger, I never understood why anyone would willingly volunteer
for military service.
I'm
glad there are brave Americans who do want to put themselves in
harm's way to protect those of us at home. But for me, signing
up for the army would have been like offering to go to prison.
There I would serve a sentence of six months at hard labor:
that would be the humiliation and exhaustion of basic training.
Next would come two years of wandering through a forbidding jungle as
the human target of heavily-armed hunters. If by chance I
survived, I might be pardoned and allowed to come home, but I would
be emotionally scarred for life. That was not for me; I would
never volunteer, and I hoped I wouldn't be "grafted."
Now
you have part of the background of the little poem below.
The
other part involves the Ohio Music Education Association.
Every spring, Richwood High School loaded most of its musicians onto
a couple of school buses and sent us to the OMEAs annual
District 10 Solo and Ensemble Contest.
On
Saturday, March 13, 1965, we traveled 60 miles southwest to Miami
East High School. I was one of five pianists from
Richwood. Most of us had rarely seen a grand piano, but that's
what we would be playing at the contest.
My
selection as a Class A piano soloist was the Rhapsody in G Minor
of Johannes Brahms, Opus 79, Number 2. I received a II rating
(out of IV). So did half of our solo performers that year. |
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While
memorizing the Brahms piece, I rehearsed it daily. Today, 44
years out of practice, I can no longer play it properly.
However, here
is a YouTube performance by someone who can. And notice the
adjudicator, following along in the score and making critical notes,
as Richard Lehman of Capital University did with me.
In
the late winter of 1965, practicing the Rhapsody over and
over, I couldnt resist inventing words to fit the ever-present
music. The words arose from my question, Why would anyone
willingly enlist in the military?
Here
are the lyrics. The times refer to the YouTube performance.
0:00 |
One
sunny day
one glorious May,
Bill
Doodle joined the Army.
His
sweetheart Sue,
what could she do?
She
cried, You do alarm me!
The
Army?!
Bill
Doodle joined
the cavalry. He joined
The
Army!
He
planned to gallop off that day,
but then his Sue did say: |
0:29 |
You
might be killed!
Darling Bill, dont go.
You
might be killed!
Darling Bill, dont go.
Please
stay with me,
Where its safe and
Where we have each other.
Please stay here with me.
Dont
go to war, Bill,
Please stay here with me.
Dont
go to war!
You might be killed!
Stay here with me! |
0:45 |
But
Bill said,
I
must go!
But
Bill said,
I
must go!
Yes,
Bill said,
I
must go to war,
I
must go ... to ... war. |
0:54 |
Yes,
Bill said,
I
must go!
Yes,
Bill said,
I
must go!
For,
he said,
I
am called by Honor and Duty to go. Yes,
I
am called by Honor and Duty to go
to war, to war, to war! |
1:11 |
One
rainy day
one dismal May,
Bill
Doodle joined the Army.
His
sweetheart Sue,
what could she do?
She
cried, You do alarm me!
A
stallion!
He
chose to ride
from thence astride
A
stallion!
But
ere he galloped off that day,
once more his Sue did say: |
1:40 |
You
might be killed!
Darling Bill, dont go.
You
might be killed!
Darling Bill, dont go.
Please
stay with me,
Where its safe and
Where we have each other.
Please stay here with me.
Dont
go to war, Bill,
Please stay here with me.
Dont
go to war!
You might be killed!
Stay here with me! |
1:56 |
Though
he'd said,
I
must go,
Though
he'd said,
I
must go,
Nonetheless
Bill
would never fight!
He
was seized with fright. |
2:04 |
Yes,
he'd said,
I
must go.
Yes,
he'd said,
I
must go.
However,
Whereupon
the foes forces seeing,
Bill
at once would swiftly be fleeing. |
2:22 |
But
what of Sue?
She never knew
What
Bill went through
and had to do
To
learn to fight.
And yet his fright
Of
sabers bright,
and guns, and night,
remained. |
2:41 |
(instrumental
development, while we meditate on how Bill once had heard Honor and
Duty summon him to fight his country's battles) |
3:33 |
Now
please dont think
that Bill would shrink
From
killing or
from waging war
As
long as he
quite sure could be
That
he would not
himself be shot, |
3:51 |
Or
stabbed,
or speared.
These
things
he feared.
Though
cheerfully hed kill his brother,
Risking
his own neck was another
thing! |
4:13 |
(instrumental
cadence) |
4:26 |
Then
one bright day
that glorious May,
Bill
gallantly deserted!
He
rode back home,
no more to roam,
All
dangers now averted.
The
Army?!
Haha,
haha,
haha, haha, haha!
The
Army?
He
said to Sue,
I say to you,
The Army's one ... big ... bore! |
4:55 |
They
don't need me!
They have men to spare.
They
don't need me!
They have plenty there.
I'll
stay with you,
Darling Sue, for we
can be together now, and
I'll
stay with you.
I'll
never leave again;
I'll stay with you.
I'll
never leave.
This is my home.
I'll stay with you! |
5:16 |
Bill
was done with war.
He
would fight no more.
|
5:21 |
Welcome
'im home! All hail the conqu'ring hero!
Welcome
him, for he has conquered war!
|
5:24 |
Fighting
was a bore
to this excellent soldier.
Bill
would fight no more,
for he had had his fill
of war. |
5:40 |
He
would fight no more,
for Bill would go to war
no more! |
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